Ramblings of a grateful heart

PJ woke up at his usual 2am this morning. I could hear him wandering through the living room and taking his time on his way to our room, his ultimate destination. Usually he is crying but this morning he was quiet. When he finally made his way to our room he just stood by my side of the bed and stared at me til I opened my eyes. When I did he got this huge grin and goes, "Mommy!" I felt bad because his happiness was ruined when we put him BACK to bed but staring at those big blue eyes and giant grin melted my heart, yes, even at 2am.
My mom called me yesterday with the devastating news that our dear family friend, Dee Orrison, passed away in her sleep early yesterday morning. She was in Vale with her family, there to attend another family members funeral. They went to wake her up to get ready for the service and they found she had died. She leaves behind a son who is a sophmore in college and a daughter who is a senior in high school this year. My heart is broken for them. She was everything to those kids and so many others. The last time I saw her was Halloween. PJ was chasing her cats around her beautiful home as she showed us her newly remodeled kitchen and living room talking about how proud she was of it and what she was still going to do. She talked about her daughter and her son. She was so happy. Life is so short. I can't believe she is gone already.
There have been many times that I have looked at my life and situation over the last year and allowed a deep depression to sink in and take over. While most of you may or may not know this, it's something I'm working through on a daily basis. While there are many times I wish things were different, I realize that I am really in the best place ever. I am home with my babies. There are moments when PJ talks and jabbers so much it drives me crazy but every time I'm tempted to tell him to be quiet I stop and realize that there was a long time that we weren't sure if he would ever really talk normal. And when he is running around the house and jumping on the couch and I want to tell him to stop and calm down, I don't, because for a long time, we didn't know if he would ever walk or jump or run. And the sweetest moments are when he looks at me, square in the eyes and says, "I wub you mommy". Or at 3 am when Amiah is cooing and smiling and kicking her legs at me. Or when she reaches up with her little tiny ten-week old hands and touchs my face and just stares at me. She is so smart, so strong. So animated and beautiful. She doesn't need to talk because her eyes are such a window for her, you can tell exactly what she is feeling and so many times there is so much joy and love in her eyes. Okay, so maybe we're broke, and we don't own a home and sometimes we question the choices we have made. But one thing I know for sure, I wouldn't trade a second away from my children for all the money in the world or the biggest most beautiful house. I pray constantly that my husband and my children know just how deep my love is for them and how grateful I am for them in my life. And I hope that all of you, my friends and my extended family, know just how truly humble and grateful I feel towards all of you for the love and support you have given us in so many forms. You'll never know how even just your text messages have lifted my spirits and made me smile. Thank you, to all of you.
I realize in the light, and snow, of everything, that while I dream of the future and what could be or should be different, all I really have is right now. Today, this second and this moment. And today, family and friends are all that really matter. When it really comes down to it, having people love you, and people to love is all that is really important and also, appreciating each moment we have with them because we never know when we will be transferred from this life to the next.